A Nottinghamshire family with three generations of adoption and care through Barnardo’s are sharing their story during National Adoption Week to help vulnerable children find their forever family.

Newlyweds Bryan and Joy, both 44, live in Nottinghamshire with their two adopted sons, aged two and four. Bryan, an HGV driver, was adopted as a baby through Barnardo’s at only six weeks old and his father, Dave, 71, grew up in Barnardo’s children’s homes and was later fostered. Joy’s father, Richard, 69, was also adopted as a baby.

After undergoing an unsuccessful course of IVF treatment several years ago, Bryan and Joy had a decision to make.

Joy says: “We had a choice between saving up thousands of pounds to try another stressful round of IVF, or give a child in care a loving home and a life they deserve. The decision for us was simple, plus we had several positive adoption experiences in our families already, so we felt reassured it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for us to do.”

The adoption process included information evenings, visits from a social worker and training days where they were able to meet other couples going through the process.

Joy said: “We didn’t find it stressful and although Bryan found it a bit more difficult at first in terms of opening up about himself and attending the training days, we got a lot from it. After we were approved to adopt, we were quickly matched with a baby boy and on the day of our matching panel, it was a really emotional experience and everyone cried, including the professionals. We were so happy.”

Bryan and Joy began regular visits to meet their little boy at his foster carers to build a relationship with him before bringing him home with them for good.

She said: “It’s amazing to see the change in him since he’s been with us. He’s come on so much and gone from a baby who was a bit lost and overwhelmed at first, to being his own little man who has really come out of his shell. He’s so confident and just wants to do everything.”

While the couple were in the process of adopting their son, they were informed he would soon have a birth brother, who would also be placed for adoption. The couple had initially only planned to adopt one child, but admitted it didn’t take them long to reconsider and five months later, their second son came to live with them at three days old.

Joy said: “Every day is just so special to us now with the boys as they’re growing up, as they do something new or random every day and they make us smile. We get lots of support from Barnardo’s and always have done. We can always talk anything through with them if we need to and they are there either on the phone or in person.”

Joy had always known that her father Richard was adopted as a baby and had a happy childhood although it was only when Bryan and Joy began their own adoption journey that they learnt more in-depth about Dave’s childhood, including that he had lived in Barnardo’s homes as a child. But although the family has been brought together through adoption, the couple, who married in September, say their family is just like any other.

Bryan said: “My family were always really open with me about the fact I was adopted, but it wasn’t anything that bothered me and I’ve never really had any interest in wanting to look for my birth parents. I was treated exactly the same as my other siblings and I had a brilliant childhood.

“It’s not something we really think about, that myself, my dad and now my two boys have been either adopted or fostered, as it’s just normal to us and everyone is treated exactly the same. But it’s nice to think that we have three generations who have been brought into the family and we are all so close.

“Our two boys are just out of this world and we can’t imagine our lives without them now. They’re our amazing little angels who love each other one minute and are falling out the next, the same as any brothers do.”

Bryan’s dad, Dave, said: “Bryan being adopted never changed anything and we never hid it from him. We felt it was important to be honest about it so he didn’t find out himself through other means.

“And now, I’m just over the moon that Bryan and Joy have been able to adopt. I have such a brilliant relationship with my two grandsons, who are two such different little characters, and I get to have the best role with them – being silly grandad! Barnardo’s has given me something so amazing with these two wonderful little boys that I can’t put a value on.”

To anyone thinking about adoption, Bryan and Joy added: “Do it! You won’t regret it. Having an adopted child is no different to having a birth child. In our family, everyone is treated and loved exactly the same by all the family, and you are giving a child the life that they deserve.”

The couple, who married in September, chose to go home on their wedding evening with their beloved sons and will soon be jetting off on their honeymoon, complete with their boys and with Bryan’s dad Dave and his wife.

Joy said: “Nowadays, I don’t want to do anything other than be with my family. We have our happy ever after ending.”

Barnardo’s is supporting First4Adoption’s National Adoption Week, which runs from today (October 14th) until Sunday and echoes the family’s call for more people to enquire about adoption to help give more children the chance to join their forever family.

Barnardo’s offers comprehensive training and support to potential adopters throughout their adoption journey; from the moment of enquiry, during the approval process, through to meeting their child for the first time and beyond.
Barnardo’s Chief Executive Javed Khan said: “This family’s heartwarming story shows how adoption can give children and their adoptive parents a fantastic future.

“At Barnardo’s we believe in children, and our adoption services help create the strong families, safe childhoods and positive futures that every young person deserves.

“We urge anyone who thinks they can give a child a safe and happy childhood as part of their family to contact us to find out more.”

Michelle Rice, Senior Practitioner with Barnardo’s Midlands Adoption Service, who has supported the family throughout their adoption journey, said: “When I first met Joy and Bryan, I immediately got a sense that they were so down to earth and very child focused with a lot to offer and share. It has been an absolute pleasure to support them and to see how well the children have developed and come into their own in their family.

“Joy has also been an invaluable help in speaking to other potential adoptive parents about her and Bryan’s experiences, helping them to gauge whether they think adoption is the right path for them based on her honest accounts of their adoption journey.”

To find out more about adopting through Barnardo’s, call Barnardo’s Midlands Adoption Service on 01332 544711 / 0121 550 5271 or visit https://www.barnardos.org.uk/adopt/midlands